Do Old Formulas Still Work?
by El Bandito
This season's fantasy EPL will surely test the predictive powers of would-be footy managers all over the place. With the sure bets of prior seasons being priced out of most managers' selections, some experimentation will be called for over the next few weeks (several months?).
Too many questions
Will Lua Lua perform consistently like he did in week 1? Will RVN and JFH bag the two dozen goals that they did last season? Is Henry worth his price? Is Barmby a fluke, or a brilliant star that's been unappreciated by Houllier?
There are too many questions at this very early stage, which even the psychic cOw cannot cope with. Could the bOoT even be of help?
Tools of the trade
The method of picking home team players has been used very often in the past. With some exceptions (i.e. West Brom and / or Sunderland), the old method will most likely continue to be used. But, will it continue to work? The same applies to the other method of picking players who might play more than one game in a week.
The search continues for new methods of picking the best players. Some may resort to pagan rituals or oracles, perhaps even resort to copy the methods of last season's Hoora United. The more serious ones will of course be armed with bagfuls of stats and the latest injury reports.
Whatever...
At the end of the day luck and instinct are probably the biggest influences on player picks. On that note, does it really matter what method is best?
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WE HIRED RIO
AS COVER TOO
CLAIMS SIR ALEX
by Harry Balls
IN A SHOCKING revelation, the Man U boss has said that former Leeds captain, Rio Ferdinand, was only drafted as cover for Wes Brown. "That's all he's good for really, and the price we paid reflects how much we value cover for young Wessie" said Sir Alex.
Reactions
Reacting to the shocked expression of journalists attending the hastily called press conference, Sir Alex said
"Oh, come off it. We've always been hiring cover for our key players; Veron is a good example".
Elaborating on this, Sir Alex explained that the presence of Roy Keane and Paul Scholes in the team were so significant that he just had to have equally good cover for the two; this was why Man United paid what it did for Veron.
When asked to explain the high expenditure for such "secondary" players, Sir Alex said
"It's not a problem really, all that expenditure are treated as assets on our balance sheet, not as expenses in the income statement".
"I'd tell you more about it, but I haven't a clue how those things work," he continued.
Trends
Enquiries made to other clubs in the Premiership have revealed that there is a rising trend to purchase cover players at any cost. Glenn Hoddle has responded that
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 Rio:how he'd look undercover
the Spurs spent the whole summer looking to buy suitable cover for Sheringham, but to no avail. "It was pretty hard to pull in the right cover for Teddy," said the Spurs' boss. "We tried for Morientes and Rivaldo, but they must have known what we had in mind".
An official statement from Arse F.C. indicates no surprise for the apparent trend. The statement notes: "Arsenal has been practising such purchases for ages now, but really it originates from Serie A in the early 90s, when clubs like AC Milan purchased high profile players at huge prices, for cover."
Well, well, well...
It remains to be seen whether the so-called trend will last, or if it is really a trend. We will need to follow any new developments on this issue, and a lot hinges on whether Leeds Chairman Peter Ridsdale will be admitted to an asylum in the near future.
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